Why do I feel anxious (and what do I do about it)?
Everyone’s brain has an internal radar to detect threat and danger from the things that go on around us. If you see a potential threat, for example a tall, hooded figure walking towards you on a dark night, your brain sends a chemical signal for you to respond and protect yourself.
We are primed by our evolution to deal with danger by either fight (approach and investigate) or flight (avoid or escape). To be able to do these things as successfully as possible we need our body to be ready for action. That’s why you get physical symptoms in your body i.e. your heart rate will increase, your breathing rate quickens and your blood pumps around your body faster. We can get lots of physical symptoms that can feel strange because of these changes, but they are all useful if we are trying to fight or run from a dangerous situation. Our bodies are built for survival and therefore these physical symptoms are not harmful to us. These symptoms can be described as anxiety. Anxiety draws our attention to situations that might be dangerous, threatening or uncertain. Anxiety wants us to proceed with caution and adopt a ‘better safe than sorry’ approach until we are more certain of the situation we are in.
Anxiety serves us well and has kept our species going for a long time. It can cause you some problems though if it gets a little over reactive or you get into the habit of always responding to anxiety with ‘flight’ or avoidance. Avoidance helps in the short term to make anxiety go away but ultimately you can’t avoid things forever and the more you avoid, the more anxious we get. It becomes a vicious cycle.
Here’s an example:
Fiona has a job interview. It’s her first job interview after leaving school. She is anxious because she doesn’t know what to expect from this brand-new experience. She has thoughts like, ‘what the questions will be like, will the interviewer like me or will they see through my lack of experience and laugh in my face?’ She feels very anxious about the possibility of these thoughts being true and because of those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, Fiona decides to avoid the interview. As soon as she does, her anxious symptoms go away and feels absolute relief. Unfortunately, she’s still got a problem, she’s still unemployed and she’s running out of money! She must get a job which means she’ll have to have an interview eventually but each time she gets close to one, she feels anxious, notices the same kinds of thoughts as before and avoids it again. She is now anxious that people will judge her, that they will ask her questions about the interview, or why she hasn’t got a job yet. To manage this, she stays at home and avoids her friends and family. She doesn’t even want to bump into anyone in the local shop, so she avoids this too. Instead of helping her, avoidance has made Fiona’s anxiety worse and her life very sad and lonely.
What advice would you give Fiona?
Top tips for tackling anxiety.
Start small but take steps to face scary things.
Learn to tolerate small amounts of anxiety, the more you do it, the easier it will become.
Reflect on your progress and what you’re learning as you go.
At each step ask yourself ‘Was it as bad as you imagined?’
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